Being the eldest brother

i was talking to online friends recently about what better dictates an older brother. The reponses i was swarmed with was nothing less than helpful and wholesome. Thanks a lot fellas.

Yet my very initial thoughts were unanswered, partly because it is actually me who’s supposed to answer them. The question was not really how to become a good older brother but more of why I feel i’m lacking.

I will go with the standard template: guidance, support, being present and being there for them. That seems really really good, and it is also nontrivial. The more you age, the more your life, network and responsibilities branch out and only grow up. My friend would always say choose your own battles.

I want so hard to let them know and appreciate how lovely they are. My sister, so strong and a hardworking person. She went through a lot and had to take a lot, yet she conquered. i want so bad to be there and to be a lot. My youngest loveliest soul, i’m listening to Sudani rap whilst i hate rap but all to connect with you. I would love if we talk a lot about computers, AI, programming, math or just about science. I would love if i could stir up your curuiosity into these fields. But people are built different indeed. I feel you the most, you stutter when you talk to Dad or when you’re cornered. But it puts me in a huge relief that you never stutter when we are talking together. I know what stuttering feels like. You’re so special, kind loving and caring. At your age, girls and all of that, your body and the new obsessions. I don’t really have much to say here for you, I were (maybe still am) just as terrible. But you will be teased, mocked, rejected, hated.. you will experience a lot, not because you deserve. It is just life. But i will ask you to love yourself and be kind to yourself. There are so much years and ages for you to witness and so many lifes to live. Remember kiddo days are long but years are short. i feel you the most, we are a lot similar than you might think. I was never a special kid by all means. I was not the prettiest, nor the smartest, nor the funniest. Just a very NPC person. I look at you and all i could think of is how beautiful this person is.

I wish i could with a good heart tell you you need to study and work hard and all of that. I wish i could feel it when i say stuff like that but i just can not. But boy, career and money and success / failure in them are all just attachments to you. Career, education and all of that are helpers. I don’t think i can help you with that, but what i can really help you with is to support you in whatever path you have chosen to take. It is your very own quest my love, but trust that i will be there cheering and rooting for you, supporting you indefinitely. You can alwyas vent out and trust that i will always be listening.

For my other two siblings. You’re old enough by now and honestly i learned and actively learning a lot from you than i think i can give back.

if there’s anything i could say to you is to be a dreamer, life does have fairytales and happy endings. Be kind to yourselves and believe in yourself. Maybe we can get back to these notes and add more to them.