Posts

And then there’s this special person to my heart, mind, and soul ...

If you know me any better you’d know that I have been yearning for a mattress for quite sometime now, wrote a blog post about it even 2 years before. And i have been grinding to fix it 2 years prior to that. I have never really fixed it, i know the solution: just buy a damn mattress. Side quests and side battles are important to give you some long due rests and rare sense of victories. Post war I had to abruplty leave my apartment and likewise Sudan. It possessed new challenges for me: i lost everything on a blink of an eye and some 10 months later I’m yet to fathom the full scale of that. I have been finding myself occupying my time with some odd activities nonetheless: extra coding, walking for hours, and amongst all having those white-fights with my roommates, who’s tasked to do chores, run errands etc. The fights in particular are quite a thing though: not only do they allow me to peacefully channel out anger, but they also serve as a purpose. To have those rather win-full battles where no harm can be inflicted and they are a good source for cheap testosterone too. ...

Thinking too far ahead about one’s life while advisable can often yield wrong outputs. A simple strategy would be to diversify your portfolio and invest in a variety of things. Investment here is not strictly financial: time and your own effort are also investments. You don’t know what will gonna happen in the next five years from. A good example for survivorship bias to say. We don’t have that crystal clear view, the magic the unravel the future and the secret of the universe. ...

Something I didn’t share this year yet but I was wondering what did I learn this year. What was the summation of it. Yeah the war inevitably had inflicted serious weight over other things. Surviving that on its own is rather a huge win. But what I came to realize is that I learned to be much better aware at the things I have had the pleasure to have. That I started to actually appreciate things and to not take things for granted. The smallest gesture of kindness, the smallest favor – those very small things which would have gone unnoticed by me, I became more aware about them. ...

O love o life and the question of the spirit. And our constant pursuit to seek absolution. I no of nothing that keeps me pushing through as though love. The only fuel that drives us onward and upward. But you never really feel its aura unless you have it, you don’t necessarily feel how important love can be unless after you are there you are trapped - and only leave a wreck of a sunken ship. So powerful yet so disastorous. And the fate o the fate, fate is so good at ridculing our hopes and promises, and tearing apart our loved ones. I have this thing where i firmly believe if you declare, you are at a higher risk it won’t happen. But I’m stepping up this time. Not though as much to challenge fate, but just to ask for forgiveness that i shall declare my love. I find so much beauty to spread out love than just keeping it a secret between the two lovers. The blockade on love is next to a war against humanity. Then why on earth humanity always have always had weddings, don’t you think? To showoff and celebrate love. ...

i usually write quite a lot, it helps me to process things. But this time is quite different though, much more like I’m taking a hiatus for good. For someone who overthinks every ounce of their life, this feels different, intriguing and rather enticing. Don’t get me wrong and fool it for me using that as an escape from the reality. The war the deaths and the fears lies within. I miss my home, my apartment and my lifestyle too. I miss my tealady. I miss my routine. But at least I’m quite confident my thoughts or lack thereof is not a coping mechanism against the death. ...

i was talking to online friends recently about what better dictates an older brother. The reponses i was swarmed with was nothing less than helpful and wholesome. Thanks a lot fellas. Yet my very initial thoughts were unanswered, partly because it is actually me who’s supposed to answer them. The question was not really how to become a good older brother but more of why I feel i’m lacking. I will go with the standard template: guidance, support, being present and being there for them. That seems really really good, and it is also nontrivial. The more you age, the more your life, network and responsibilities branch out and only grow up. My friend would always say choose your own battles. ...

My Experience with E-Payment in Sudan: Challenges and Opportunities I am a cofounder and CTO of a fintech startup company operating in Sudan. Our company aims to provide innovative and convenient solutions for e-payment using cards and POS devices. We believe that we have the right product and the right product-market-fit and we have a solid niche to operate on. However, we also face many challenges and obstacles in our journey to grow and scale our business in the Sudanese market. ...

Sometimes i legit be wondering about life. What is life? What is the whole point? What is the point of living? This is not a question that i can answer, nor is it a warning sign about my mental situation. I’m good thank you. But, this mundane, routine thing is becoming extremely irritating. An important person to me used to say that they were a virtual person in the process to become an individual. I think it was a quote from a movie that i never get to watch. What does it truly mean to become an individual? Is it worth it either? I’m afraid i’m even wind up losing that virtual person in the process of becoming an individual… ...

This is not me fishing for validation or sympthay. This is just me. I don’t really feel seen. Like honestly, I never felt as though someone actually love me. I always felt I had to put in more efforts and be the giver as my only source and contribution to sustain a relationship. And I was ok with that for the majority of my life. I honestly don’t have a dream you know or a goal or whatever, I always just optimize for helping and to some extent serving others. ...